What Came Next: Yoga teacher training & Therapy
When we think of domestic abuse, we often think of black eyes, bruises and broken bones. What I lived through looked nothing like that, and it took years for me to recognise it for what it really was - a form of abuse called coercive control.
He was a friend and I wasn’t interested in anything more. At the time, I didn’t recognise the subtle, insidious patterns that would slowly take over my life, but with hindsight, it seems that he was manipulating me from the start to make me his girlfriend. Once I was, the control escalated quickly, but I had no language or understanding for what was happening.
Coercive control is a purposeful pattern of controlling behaviours designed to dominate, coerce and isolate another person. It felt like being taken hostage; it was disorientating, often terrifying and completely overwhelming. He would use threats, humiliation and intimidation, often ricocheting between being incredibly charming to vicious attacks.
There became rules around the clothes I could wear, the words I could use, even the people I could make eye contact with. It was like living in a fog, while getting constant whiplash. I didn’t understand the rules and the rules were constantly changing. I became hypervigilant, trying to anticipate his moods and avoid any kind of confrontation. He consistently denied his behaviour, distorting reality until I questioned my own memory and sanity. Coercive control thrives on self-doubt, and I came to believe it was all my fault.
After several false starts, I managed to leave with the help of my parents. I thought escaping would mean the worst was over, but leaving was only the beginning. The manipulation and control had eroded my confidence and sense of self. Outwardly, I appeared to be coping - good jobs, friendships, a busy social life - but inside, shame kept me silent while I struggled with nightmares, crippling anxiety, trust issues, explosive anger and constant hypervigilance. I lived life at a million miles an hour trying to outrun it all, but the impacts of the abuse had followed me into every part of my life.
When the pandemic stripped away my coping strategies, I realised I needed help. Working with a psychotherapist became a turning point. Naming my experience as coercive control gave me a framework to understand what had happened and helped me stop blaming myself. I learned that my reactions weren’t weakness - they were normal responses to trauma. Understanding trauma as a nervous system response helped me make sense of why my body still felt unsafe, even years later. While my mind has blocked much of what happened, my body viscerally remembers. I’ve explored many different therapies focused on reconnecting with the body and releasing trauma, including breathwork, TRE (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises), EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), and yoga. These practices have all been incredibly helpful in their own way, all contributing to a greater sense of safety and wellbeing.
Alongside this, I realised I wanted to make a change in my professional life as well. I joined On Purpose, a year long leadership development and career change programme, focused on finding impactful work and purpose. That year was transformative, giving me space to reflect, learn and think more about the kind of life I want.
From there the idea of yoga teacher training began to take shape. Yoga had become a big part of my life, and the idea of deepening my practice and learning how to share it with others felt like a natural next step. I’m not overly flexible and I don’t tend to practise to get into the most impressive shapes - it’s more about coming back to the breath and giving my nervous system some love. I now teach yoga alongside my full-time office job. I love guiding a class and hopefully giving people a chance to pause, breathe and reconnect amongst our busy lives. It’s rewarding and it’s helped me feel a little more like myself again. While I don’t know exactly where this path will lead, it’s helped me feel more capable, grounded and open to possibility again.